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556 Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "And what does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you pillock! Someone has stolen our tent!"

557 A guy walks up to the receptionist in the Physchiatrist's office and says "I'm the Invisible man and I'd like to talk to the Doctor". She pokes her head into the Physchiatrist's office and says there is a man here who wants to talk to you and he claims he's the Invisible man. The Physchiatrist replies "Tell him I can't see him right now".

558 What's black, white, blue, and purple all over? A zebra with a bruise!

559 An unemployed jester is nobody's fool.

560 Was that wig expensive? How much did you have toupee for it?