Jokes

Jokes


Home Page

901 Two men on the 9th tee tire of waiting for two women to get off the fairway. One man approaches them but before he reaches the women he does an abrupt U turn, and explains to his partner that one of the women is his wife and the other is his girl friend. The second man agrees to go but also does a U turn before reaching the ladies and explains to his partner on returning "Small world, isn't it!"

902 How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. On to hold the giraffe and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.

903 Q: why did the football coach go to the bank ? A: to get his quarterback!

904 A scientist who thought he knew everything was going on a business trip. On the airplane, he sat next to a lady. He asked her, "Do you want to play a game where I ask you a question and if you can't answer, you give me $5 and then you ask me a question and I give you $5 if I can't answer?" "No" "How about if when I can't answer, I give you $1000, but if you can't answer, you only have to give me $5?" "No" "How about if I can't answer, I give you $2000?" "OK" "What is the top speed of an Indian fruit bat?" The lady gave him $5 and asked him, "What has 15 legs going up a hill, 137 legs at the top, and 57 legs coming down?" The man searched in every resource he had and eventually gave up and gave the lady $2000, then asked, "What is the answer?" The lady gave him $5.

905 A guy goes into a restaurant on Christmas morning for breakfast. The waitress serves him his eggs benedict on a large and very shiny, metal plate. The guy says, what's with this plate? The waitress says: "It's Christmas, and there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise."

906 A Victor was out playing golf with his good friend John. After a few holes John was getting frustrated as he was not that good a golfer. Finally when he missed an easy putt he blurted out, "Damn, I missed the bugger!".

The Victor said, "Now John, you must be careful as God may punish you if you say that again." On the next hole the Victor staid close to John offering quiet support. As John missed an even easier putt he shouted "Damn, I missed the bugger!" Suddenly a there was a large clapp of thunder and a lightning bolt pierced the air and killed the Victor. And a voice from the sky said, "Damn, I missed the bugger!"

907 What do otters say when they get stuck in seaweed?? Kelp!! Kelp!!

908 A couple is vacationing somewhere in France. One fine afternoon, they visit a historic church. They climb up to the bell tower to take a few pictures, and there they find a little hunch­‐backed man. "Hello," they greet him, but he ignores them and cries: "I must ring the bell!" He then runs face first into the enormous church bell, ringing it, and then falls from the tower to his death below. "Who was that?" the man asks his wife. "I'm not sure," she answers, "but his face certainly rings a bell." Follow up: The next day the couple returns to the tower. A second hunch­‐back, identicle to the first, appears and exclaims: "I must ring the bell!" He runs into the bell, falls from the tower, and dies. "Well, who was that?" the man wonders, to which his wife replies: "I don't know. . . but he was a dead ringer for the other guy."

909 What's the difference between a coyote and a flea? One howls on the prairie, and one prowls on the hairy

910 A man was driving a convertible with three penquins in the back seat. He stopped at a gas station and said to the attendant, "I've been driving around with these penguins for days now. I don't know what to do with them." "Why don't you take them to the zoo?" the attendant suggested. "That's a great idea. Thanks!" said the man. A week later the same guy stops at the same gas station­‐ the penguins are still in the back seat. The attendant says to him, "Hey, I thought you were going to take them to the zoo?" "I did," the man replied. "We had a blast­‐ today we're going to the beach!"